Relationship Difficulties – KCLR Radio

On April 13th, I was invited to talk on KCLR (local radio) about Relationships. Listen below.

Relationship Difficulties

If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship, Counselling Carlow can provide you with a space where you can explore the dynamics of your relationship from a more objective viewpoint. You will have the space to look at your relationship from the outside in, getting a clearer understanding of how and why, you and your partner are impacting on one another.

When we enter a relationship we all bring our own set of ideals of what happens in a relationship. This generally is a relationship template, which we adapted from our childhood experience, of how an adult relationship looks.
There can be positive and negative elements to our template but some difficulties arise when something we consider to be quiet normal relationship behaviour, goes completely against the grain of the template our partner brings.

At Counselling Carlow you will be facilitated as you look at the behaviours in your own relationship, both yours and your partners. You will gain a better understanding of the impact of these behaviours and the feelings, which arise from them; giving you greater insight into the dynamics of your relationship.

Positive communication is the key to any satisfying relationship and at Counselling Carlow, you can gain greater confidence in communicating with your partner in a way which is respectful to your feelings and theirs and thus non- threatening and vastly more satisfying.

“When we experience conflict or dissatisfaction in our relationships, we are being called on to develop something in ourselves that is weak, hidden, or unknown.”

Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons.

Communication with a strong or abusive person

Communication with a strong/abusive partner or parent
Communication with a strong/abusive child
Communication with a strong/abusive person in work.

How we communicate with strong abusive people very much depends on our personal boundary. If we have a strong personal boundary, somebody with a strong abusive personality will not impact on us a great deal because we are contained within ourselves and have what is termed an ‘inner locus of control’. We may find this type of personality difficult to be around but they will not overpower us or make us question ourselves or manipulate us. Somebody who is abusive may be very angry inside and unfortunately it’s easier to externalise their anger instead of looking inside themselves at where their anger is rooted.

In essence then, communication with a strong abusive type personality will be more difficult if we are not sure of who we are and what we represent and most important of all; our self-worth. If we are not sure about our worth then an abusive, bullying personality will more easily convince us of our lack of worth.

Being around bullying and abusive behaviours is very unpleasant but if you need to communicate with a person like this you will do so more effectively when they are not getting their desired reactions; Compliance, Fear and Power.

At Insights Counselling Carlow, you will be facilitated as you look at the relationship, be it work related, a family member or a friend. We can explore how you feel about yourself and consequently, how you represent yourself and behave, in relationships. We can look at the origins of these behaviours and any elements of your relational self which you feel you would benefit in developing.