Separation – Divorce
The end of a relationship comes with a complex set of emotions such as denial, anger, guilt, rejection, sadness, regret, depression and anxiety. These are all normal reactions and the sequence and intensity of these emotions can vary depending on whether you were the one to initiate the separation or the one who has been left.
In either case it can be difficult to know how to move on and what to do next and there may be a lot of mixed feelings and uncertainty, which can be very stressful.
Some people will feel deep down that their relationship is not salvageable, that there is no hope in trying to stay together.
It is natural to want to ignore these feelings at first, as any alternative to being together is too hard to contemplate.
Little by little it becomes harder to avoid recognising that the relationship is irretrievable and sadly, this is sometimes a one-sided awareness – the other person in the relationship may not share the same feelings or want to talk about separating.
At Insights Counselling Carlow, I am trained to work with the emotional impact of separation and divorce.
Here you will find the help you need to express the huge range of feelings, the anger, the hurt, the sadness, the confusion and the fear.
You will find the support to help you through the difficult and complex emotional process until you feel ready to move on.
Sarah Sutton. MIACP
If you are contemplating counselling and would like to know more about how I work, you can phone/text me now at: 086 4063043
Stress
If you notice that you are feeling very stressed in your life whether it be caused by work/ family/ other, it may be an indication that it is time to look at the cause(s) of your stress.
Often times it is how we think about certain situations; the pressure we put on ourselves, which causes us to feel stressed about them
Counselling will provide you with the calming, non-pressurised space to temporarily step away from your stressors and look at them more objectively.
Taking this time to look at your life and the situations/ relationships which are causing you stress, will give you clarity around how you can take better care of yourself and lead a happier, less stress-filled existence.
At Insights Counselling, Carlow, I will provide you with the space you need to step out of your life and look in.
From this objective, calming view point you can examine what has been causing you so much stress and decide a way forward which is healthier for you and those around you.
Sarah Sutton. MIACP
If you are contemplating counselling and would like to know more about how I work, you can phone/text me now at: 086 4063043
Anger
Anger is a very valid emotion and yet for so many of us it can be difficult to admit to our feelings of anger.
This is often reflective of how anger was expressed in our family of origin or whether it was permitted at all.
Naturally then, if you are noticing a lot of anger inside, it can feel very disconcerting and even frightening.
You may notice that you are snapping at people you love and anger can often be accompanied by depressed feelings.
Anger can often be the by- product of feelings (e.g. sadness) which were not expressed at another time or during another event. For some people, their anger is previously repressed feelings, which can no longer stay down.
Anger can also be as a result of our current circumstances.
Feelings of anger can be our inner selves telling us that there is something missing in our lives.
What do you need that you are not getting in your life, Relationship, Job, Family of Origin???
Love/ Power/ Recognition/Security/ Fun??
At Counselling Carlow you will be facilitated and emotionally held as you gently look at your inner anger and its origins.
For more information or if you would like to make and appointment:
Carlow Counselling 086 4063043
Panic Attacks
Many people experience panic attacks and there can be various and very individual triggers for their attacks.
Regardless of the stimulus, panic attacks are very frightening and debilitating and can make day to day life a real struggle.Panic attacks are very often experienced alongside symptoms of depression and/or as part of an anxiety disorder.
A Panic attack contains emotional, biological and psychological reactions. It begins with an emotional reaction (anxiety) to a stimulus, which in turn is the natural catalyst for a biological reaction i.e. what we feel or experience physically.
We then experience the psychological reaction i.e. our thoughts about and interpretation of the emotional and biological reactions.
The triggers for panic attacks can vary from person to person, sometimes being very tangible, like a fear of flying/open spaces or a cat phobia. But for a great many people the trigger is not external to them, but is actually their thinking. A certain mode of negative thinking is the trigger for their emotional reaction.
How we think determines how we feel and by that rational; for some people, their thoughts have the power to induce the same level of anxiety (emotional reaction) as an agoraphobic might experience in the center of a busy shopping center.
When we encounter our stimulus whether it is internal (a negative thought) or external (e.g. heights) we become anxious (emotional reaction).
When this happens our ‘fight or flight’ response kicks in mentally and we send messages to our body that we are not safe and that it needs to protect itself. Thus begins the various physical symptoms (biological reaction) we experience in a panic attack e.g sweaty palms/ quicker breathing/ butterflies in the tummy etc.
When we experience the physical symptoms in conjunction with the original feelings of anxiousness, we may feel even more panicked, about all that we are experiencing. We may misinterpret our symptoms as more catastrophic than they actually are i.e. thoughts that we are going to faint/die.
Any interpretation of these symptoms is our psychological reaction. This psychological reaction generally goes on to cause more anxiety and the panic cycle continues…..
In the case of panic attacks triggered internally, the thinking causes the emotional and biological reactions but it is how the individual goes on to interpret these reactions which dictates whether the panic will end there or become a panic attack. e.g an interpretation such as “I am stupid…. Why do I feel like this…theres something really wrong with me”
It is strongly felt that it is our interpretation of our initial, emotional and biological reaction, which maintains and strengthens our panic and that if we change the way we interpret our initial symptoms of anxiety we can stop a stimulus induced, feeling of anxiety from becoming a Panic Attack.
Model of Panic
Panic Attacks are extremely frightening for those who experience them and can make the sufferer feel very isolated if they are not sharing their experiences with others. It can feel difficult to tell others about what you are feeling when this happens for you.
At Counselling Carlow you will be facilitated as you explore what has been happening for you and what you have been experiencing.
You will be met with the understanding and the concrete belief, that each of us is different and experiences the world differently.
Communication with a strong or abusive person
Communication with a strong/abusive partner or parent
Communication with a strong/abusive child
Communication with a strong/abusive person in work.
How we communicate with strong abusive people very much depends on our personal boundary. If we have a strong personal boundary, somebody with a strong abusive personality will not impact on us a great deal because we are contained within ourselves and have what is termed an ‘inner locus of control’. We may find this type of personality difficult to be around but they will not overpower us or make us question ourselves or manipulate us. Somebody who is abusive may be very angry inside and unfortunately it’s easier to externalise their anger instead of looking inside themselves at where their anger is rooted.
In essence then, communication with a strong abusive type personality will be more difficult if we are not sure of who we are and what we represent and most important of all; our self-worth. If we are not sure about our worth then an abusive, bullying personality will more easily convince us of our lack of worth.
Being around bullying and abusive behaviours is very unpleasant but if you need to communicate with a person like this you will do so more effectively when they are not getting their desired reactions; Compliance, Fear and Power.
At Insights Counselling Carlow, you will be facilitated as you look at the relationship, be it work related, a family member or a friend. We can explore how you feel about yourself and consequently, how you represent yourself and behave, in relationships. We can look at the origins of these behaviours and any elements of your relational self which you feel you would benefit in developing.
Counselling
Counselling will provide you with a space where you can gently explore, at your own pace, whatever is going on in your life and how it is impacting on you.
In Counselling you will be facilitated, as you reflect and gain new perspectives on your world outside the Counselling room.
Counselling will give you a deeper insight and with that a greater understanding of your world and yourself.
Counselling can bring healing around: Depression, Anxiety, Anger, Low Self-Worth, Low Confidence, Relationship Difficulties, Siblings/Parent Relationships, A Difficult Childhood, Bereavement, Living with an Addict and many other issues.
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am then I can change.
Carl R. Rogers